Rock, Paper, Scissors...

So any of you who are nerds like us and watch Big Bang Theory will recognize this flowchart:


We had a very, very long drive last week (6 hours each way) and the boys were arguing about which movie to watch on the dvd player. W was, of course, trying to manipulate things so he would win when A suggested rock, paper, scissors. The only problem was, A won. This did not sit will with W's nine year old egocentric sensibilities. Eric laughed and said, "you need to play rock paper scissors lizard Spock." W has never seen that and has no idea who Spock is so he invented the following:

ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS, WORM, LEAF

I don't have time to diagram a cute little flowchart but here are the basic rules:

1. Worm wraps around Scissors
2. Rock crushes Worm
3. Leaf covers Rock
4. Worm eats Leaf
5. Scissors cut Leaf
6. Worm eats Paper
7. Paper beats Leaf since paper is made from trees

I don't think he knew why we were laughing so hard from the front seat. In the end, A watched his dvd and W played on the iPod. The secret to happy travellers: each needs their own entertainment center.

"A Carrot Tale" by Guest Blogger W

I am so pleased to welcome my very first guest blogger, my soon to be nine year old (at midnight!) W. His first blog is a response to a homework assignment: Pick a fruit or vegetable. Describe how it goes from the farm to the market.

Hello my name is carrot. I grew in the dirt on a farm. Then I was picked by a farmer. I was washed and scrubbed and put into a bag. Then I was shipped to the market by a big truck. Then I was bought and dipped in ranch dressing. OH NO!

We'll be back with any teacher's comments in the future. Thanks for your blog today, W! And Happy Birthday tomorrow!

Why I Nearly Failed High School Math...

So while shopping at Home Depot one day I came across this little booklet near the Behr paint: Disney Princess Dream Room. Of course, M's little eyeballs spotted it and immediately the campaign for a PINK room began. I delayed by telling her to wait until Grandma came, and then she would help me paint the PINK room. Grandma came, saw the picture, thought I was crazy, but agreed to help me anyway. It all sounded so simple:

Instructions:

1. Make a mark every 16 inches across the ceiling, walls and floor. No problem, right? Easy.
2. Now connect the marks to create a grid. This, as it turns out, was much, much, much harder than it sounds.

Problems even Einstein couldn't solve (I bet):

1. In order to make straight lines, you really need a straight edge. We did not have one. Our tape measure kept curling up so our lines were way off. (NOTE: a piece of edging, while straightish, is not a good substitute for a real straight edge)
   
2. It's really kind of hard to connect dots all the way across a wall, especially when some of those dots disappear into the corner. (and the piece of edging you're using is neither straight nor long enough)
   
3. Did you know that pencil does not wash off walls? I went through approximately 17 little tiny erasers trying to get the marks off so we could draw new, equally incorrect marks.
4. After a while we realized that for some unknown reason, connecting 16 inch marks created a 12 inch square. Not all of our squares were 12 inches. So we found a 12 inch square template and tried drawing squares on the wall. That worked for one row. Two hours later, we gave up.

Frustrated, I said to my mom, "You know, I bet this is really easy to do if you just have the right tool." Without missing a beat she says, "What we need is a plumb line, you know, with chalk." I grit my teeth. " I have one of those in the garage."

I even had extra chalk.

5 minutes later the lines were connected.

And guess what? Chalk comes off the wall really easily! No erasers required!
GRRR!

This is the (almost) finished product. Surprisingly easy, with the right tools.

And don't even get me started on the castle stencil...

P.S. My husband explained the math to me. For those of you who want to know it has something to do with "a squared + b squared = c squared divided by 2" or some such nonesense. Email him if you really want to know.

A Few Funny Comments

It's summertime and we've just been doing summery things. Mostly watching it rain (this year, anyway). So I haven't posted any stories lately since all the summer posts from last year are still applicable. But there have been a few funny comments I wanted to get into writing. In no particular order:

• A: "I was doing Yoda with mommy this morning." W: "Yoda's a person, not a thing." A: "Mommy, what was I doing with you? Yogurt?" Mom: "Yoga" A:"Ooooh, right, yoga, not Yoda!"
• W got a letter in the mail from his third grade teacher. It said that "the first day of school is right around the corner." So W refused to go around any corners for two days because he was hoping to avoid the first day of school.
  
• A: "I know why so many girls like me." Mom and Dad: "Really? Tell us, why do so many girls like you?" A: "Because I do my hair so handsome. Except some days I do it rock star style instead. All spiky."
• I have to add this story: A Bee Story Part 2 - Eric found a hornet's nest buried underground at the bottom of the stairs for the playground slide. He got away with only 1 sting; I got 3. He attacked the nest a few hours later dressed in: a wetsuit topped with rain pants, rain coat, knee high rubber boots, gloves and M's dress up veil over his face. Also armed with 2 cans of Raid and a bug bomb. He dug out the nest and killed the remainder of the hornets. Or so we thought. A few days later A comes screaming into the house with a hornet attached to his ear. The poor kid's ear swelled up twice its normal size. I asked him how it happened and it turns out that W and A were playing at the playground and saw it buzzing around. W gave A this classic advice, "Hold still and it won't see you and you won't get stung." Uh, we had to correct him that actually holding still is the EXACT OPPOSITE of what you want to do when you see something with a stinger flying at you. Run, run away fast!
  

New Pets

Due to our chipmunk vacancy and all the resulting trauma from our Animal ER, I gave in and allowed the kids a trip to the pet store to choose a pet. The caveat: hypo-allergenic, inexpensive and kid-friendly. We started out looking at garter snakes. They're pretty cute, actually, especially the little ones. But it turns out they only eat these little feeder fish (read: trip to the store every week to buy fish plus the burden of keeping said fish alive) and they're "very fast" (read: impossible to catch once your child drops it). So that was out. Next we thought we'd try some tree frogs. Their little sticky feet and bulgy eyes are cute and they eat live crickets. However, they're coated in a special slime and cannot be handled; apparently if the slime wears off it leaves them susceptible to infection. So we moved on to hermit crabs. W really, really wanted one. M didn't care. A really, really wanted a frog. But we had to all agree on the pet choice and A was outnumbered. So we came home with three hermit crabs, a heating lamp, sand, a few extra shells and some crab food (comes in a jar, awesome. They even had little tiny "Crab Cookies" as a treat!). These are the almost perfect pet. The kids can take them out and exercise them, give them short little baths, and let them crawl around on their hands. There's no poop to clean up, no sneezing, no smell and I think we could take them on vacation. So, introducing the newest members of our family: Sebastian, Gary (pictured) and Merilina Seraphina. What's really kind of hilarious is how much these hermit crab personalities mirror the kids. Sebastian is W's pet and he's by far the most outgoing. He loves to explore and is always crawling around and climbing on the wood in the cage. Gary is actually very shy and will only come out when he's on A's hand but then is very affectionate. And Merilina Seraphina came home in a bright purple shell and promptly changed into a bigger, better shell, so she reflects our little clothes horse, M. So funny!

Animal ER

Yep, we need an animal ER around here. It's been animal adventures the last few weeks. Unfortunately, not all the stories end happily. I'll start with the most dramatic, titled in W's journal as "Day of Death."

• One day we found a cute little chipmunk in our house. He had been attracted by the sunflower seeds we scatter on the deck for the chickadees and finches. A very friendly, young chipmunk, easily tamed. We had him eating out of our hands in no time. And he would nonchalantly stroll into the house and run around the kitchen for a while with the kids chasing him until he got tired and ran out the door. Well, we also had some "pet" salamanders and some "pet" algae living in a tub out on the deck. One night it rained and rained and rained and rained and the water level in the tub went up and up. The next morning A came screaming into my room, tears streaming down his face: "Our chipmunk is dead!" Tragically, he had drowned in the salamander tub. It was really very sad and we all cried for a while. Then we held a chipmunk funeral. Here's a picture of his grave:

• There is a family of robins who build a nest under our deck every year. Right now there are three nests, all on top of and beside each other since they feel the need to build a new one every spring, apparently. This year there were 5 baby robins in the nest and we watched them hatch and grow and eat chewed up worms. The day after the tragedy with the chipmunk W came screaming into my room, tears streaming down his face: "One of the baby robins fell out of the nest and is dead." Yep, it was true, although I think it was pushed out of the nest by the other 4 greedy little birds. W, still crying, observed that "it didn't even have a feather! Why do little things always have to die?" I had to agree: "Life is hard for little things." We buried it with the chipmunk.They now have a plan to pad the ground under the nest next year with foam to catch any other baby birds that happen to fall out.
• A few nights ago, Eric walked into the house with a baby killdeer (bird).

Thankfully it wasn't dead or injured, just stupid. 4 of these little babies were running across the road and he stopped to pick one up and bring to safety (via our house). I don't know much about these birds except that they lay their eggs right on the ground, usually in a rocky area and if you approach the nest the mother bird will flap around like she has a broken wing and lead you away from her eggs while the father bird flies around and screeches at you. They are very fast runners as you probably could have guessed by looking at this baby's long skinny legs. So let's hope this one survives!

• We've also had all manner of frogs, toads, grasshoppers, leeches, daddy long legs, etc. as "pets". M had a pretty pink grasshopper that she loved to death. And W is dead set on capturing a dragonfly and putting it on a leash made of dental floss. I do not know where he gets these ideas but I wish him luck!
  

Little, Little Bird

This little hummingbird in Eric's hand is not (thankfully) dead. It is just stunned. I went out to the garage to take care of some recycling and heard this strange buzzing noise. Looking up I noticed these two things flying around and at first I thought they were bats since it was dusk. But bats flap more and looking closer I discovered they were actually hummingbirds. Eric was mowing the lawn so I waved him down and warned him to be quiet and come see this. We watched the two birds for a while and suddenly this one just dropped onto the cement. Of course we thought it was dead but nope, it's little heart was beating super fast and it was still breathing. See how it's holding its beak in its little claw? So cute. We went and got all the kids out of bed to come see the little hummingbird and in a few minutes it woke up, looked around (I ran for the camera again but...too late) and flew away. We see it once in a while, sipping nectar from our iris flowers. Now how many kids can say they have a pet hummingbird?

Stars and Stripes

Hello, poor neglected blog! Here's a story for you:

Sunday, May 31 was the first annual "Hope of America" concert here in VT. When the directors were recruiting singers I asked W if he wanted to be in it. "Nope," was the firm reply so I didn't pursue it much. Then, the night before the concert, he realized that all of his friends and most of his cub scout den were singing in it and therefore he MUST be part of it. I whipped out the cd for him to listen to that night only he fell asleep after the third song. Well, I figured, he's just a little guy and no one will expect the little ones to do much singing anyway. Rehearsal started at 5 p.m. sharp and they were so adorable (I don't have pictures yet but will soon). All the kids had matching T-shirts and a few of them even knew the songs! The directors put in a lot of work and it was a very professional show with a slideshow during the song "Thank You, Military" which touched even the heart of an unpatriotic Canadian. There were many vets in attendance and they were each presented with a certificate of thanks. The only negative aspect of the concert was the weather. Yes, we all prayed that it wouldn't rain but no one thought to pray that it wouldn't snow! You would think, on May 31st, that the weather would be summery and beautiful. Wrong. It was so, so cold. We had frost overnight. The poor little kids, after being outside for 3 hours, were just little frozen popsicles. But on the way home in the van, heat blasting his face, W proclaimed himself "tired, happy, and proud." I asked why he felt that way. "Because, I got to be one of the 4 most important people there. I got to be the "O" (in the song V-O-T-E)" He was the best "O" I've ever seen, I must say. Possibly the only "O" I've ever seen, but still, his timing was impeccable. Those piano lessons must be paying off.

P.S. When the color guard presented the flag and we all stood for the national anthem (W with his left hand over his right chest since the poor kid is left handed and probably doesn't realize his heart is on the left). I was singing along with my hands in my pockets (remember: COLD!) when A turned to me and tugged on my arm. "Mommy," he whispered, "you have to put your hand on your heart." "Oh, sweetie," I replied, "I just can't do that. It feels too weird to me." "But mommy, everyone puts their hands on their hearts during the song!" Daddy intervened, "A, this isn't mommy's country and it's not really her flag so she doesn't have to put her hand on her heart." Now, just to emphasize, I'm happy to be living in this country and I support and thank the military for their service and have very good friends in the air force. I've learned the pledge of allegience, I sing "The Star Spangled Banner" and I have an American flag-type thing on my front door this time of year. But for some reason I just cannot put my hand over my heart when I see the flag (or whatever the protocol is). I don't know why, I just can't do it. Someone asked me , don't Canadians do that, too? And I think my mouth gaped open in horror. No! I exclaimed, and if we did that would make doing it here even worse! So, anyway, happy Memorial Day from a flag waving Canadian.

Our Easter Tradition

I'm not a big fan of the Easter Bunny stuff. I think it's too confusing to kids when you try to mix a religious holiday with Wal-mart. Fortunately we live so far away from stores like Wal-mart that my kids haven't really seen the huge extravagant Easter baskets out there. We start our day with a breakfast of "Eggs in a Nest", which is whipped egg whites baked with the yolk in the middle.
They also got these really cute sugar cookies made by a lady here in Vermont. A had a hard time eating his baby chick's eye which reminded me that I always hated to eat the eye from my own chocolate Easter bunnies. He really wanted to keep the cookie as a pet, but soon learned that some pets are just too delicious to save.
This our annual tradition. I make baskets out of chocolate and then fill it with "Nature's Candy": strawberries, blackblerries, raspberries and blueberries. And a few chocolate eggs for fun. The kids love their chocolate baskets and fruit and I think it keeps them from bouncing off the walls too much...yeah, you're right, probably just wishful thinking on my part.

A Rite of Passage

They grow up too fast.

Yesterday, W, after taking a shower in my bathroom, came downstairs with his hand over his chin. "Mom, I need a band-aid." Yep, the chin was bleeding from a little cut. "What happened? How did you cut your chin?" "I was trying to shave with Daddy's razor."

He's entering waters where mommies dare not tread....

Have a White Day

W's school has implemented a new disciplinary system (good luck, I say). It goes like this. Each child starts the day with a "White" card. If they get one verbal warning for misbehavior they have to change the White card to Green. After Green comes Yellow with a 2 minute in-class time out. Then Red. Ooooh, Red is bad. With a Red card comes a note home written by the student explaining their "poor behavior choices" that must be read and signed and returned by a parent. And then, the very worst: Blue. Blue means "you blew it". It also means all the other warnings plus the worst punishment a second grader could have: you must stay in for recess and do extra homework!!! Dun Dun! So the teachers explained the concept to the kids and then they had a practice week. W proudly told me he "only made it to Blue twice". Umm, good for you? So on the real week we cheered him on and wrote notes in his lunch box: "Have a White Day today" and "You can get a White card today, I know it!" Day One: White Card=success! Day 2: Red Card=sad boy and sad mommy (I also made him write a note of apology to the teacher for his "disrepect" which is what came home in the note). So let's up the ante. Every day you get a White card, I will pay you $1. This works. Really well. Because now, at home, if he starts to misbehave, I threaten to take away the $1 he earned for his White card. And I'm noticing a lot less arguing about things. I think I like this card system! Of course, I had to add some really dire consequences for Red and Blue cards, like an extra page of writing homework (shudder!) and cleaning up for 1 hour (the horror!). So last week, after the Red card, he got White for the rest of the week and we were so proud of him. I asked him how he did it and this was the response: "You know mommy, it's actually pretty easy to get a white card. I just have to do what they tell me." Smack the forehead. Duh! He just figured that out, can you believe it? How has this kid gotten through 8 years in life and 3 years of school not knowing that you're supposed to do what adults tell you? I can tell I'm in for a fun time with this one.....

A Story: Kind of Gross, Mostly Hilarious

Okay, in full honesty I have to say that Eric hates this story and will not be happy that I'm repeating it. However, it was such a memorable incident that the kids still remember it years later. And since I seem to be in this "write it for posterity" mode, I thought I'd post it. It's for history, right?

It all started at the Big Lake Half Marathon in New Hampshire.

May 7, 2005.

What is significant about that date, you ask? Well, let's see. In exactly 4 weeks my third baby would be born. Two weeks after that we'd be moving to a new state and starting a new job. What kind of crazy person at 8 months pregnant packs two kids up in the car at 6 a.m. (gotta get there in time for registration) to drive an hour to then "watch" the husband/father figure run a half marathon? Which, by the way, takes an hour and a half to run. It was cold. Really, really cold. And very windy. Also? Raining. I couldn't exactly take the kids outside and let them run around and play since I couldn't keep up with them at that point. So we decided to meet Eric at the finish line. He took off and honestly, I can't remember what I did for the next two hours except wait in the car which was getting very muggy and hot with humidity and 3 (and a half) people sitting inside it. Then comes the inevitable.

"Mommy," says W. "I have to go to the bathroom." A was only 17 months old at this point and still in diapers but W was another story, of course. I sighed. Do I even know where the bathroom is? Do I actually have the energy to unseatbelt these kids and drag them around in the freezing rain looking for a bathroom? No, I do not. I spied an empty water bottle on the floor of the car and handed it to W. "Can you just pee in this bottle?" "Sure, Mommy." And he did a great job. Of course, not wanting it to spill, I screwed the lid back on and LEFT IT IN THE CUP HOLDER of the car. Shortly after this the race was winding up so we headed out to the finish line, just in time to cheer Eric on as he won his division. Hooray for daddy! Now can we get back in the car and go home because we're tired and freezing? He was a very good sport and agreed that we could leave right away, but not without first waiting for the official results to be posted so he could collect his prize: a bottle of maple syrup with "Winner, etc." etched on it. Very nice. Still looks delicious. Does maple syrup get better as it ages? Anyway, we piled into the car and the first thing I said was, "Oh, see that water bottle, there? Don't drink it," and explained W's predicament. Unfortunately, my husband has the WORST memory ever and a few minutes later, while I was enjoying the scenery out the window, he unscrewed the lid of the bottle and took a big swig. C'mon! He'd just run a half-marathon and was very, very thirsty. You see a water bottle sitting in a cup holder...what else are you going to do? I cannot imagine the disgustingness. Of course he spit it all out immediately and stopped the car right then and there to pour out the contents and throw away the bottle. He was so mad! And I can't blame him for that. But W and I could not stop laughing and to this day when we're taking a road trip, every time Eric opens a bottle of water W will say, "Hey, Daddy, do you remember that time..." Yes," snaps Eric, "don't talk about it." It is definitely not one of his favorite stories. But it still makes me laugh.


And also, I wonder: Why did I ever leave it in the cup holder to begin with?

For Posterity

This one just has to go down in the history books. W had an assignment at school: Create a dinosaur. Draw a picture of it, describe it, and write a short story about it. Here it is, word for word (Although I tried to scan the picture and it didn't turn out. You'll have to use your imagination)

"My dinosaur's name is Calvenasurus. PS Calven for short"
"It lives in Sharon"
"It likes to eat schools"

"Calvenasurus is part dinosaur and part robot. He has wings and robot claws. One day Calven ate my school. the end. by W"

It must be every 8 year old boy's dream to have his school eaten by a part-robot dinosaur.

Valentine's Day

I don't know exactly when Valentine's day became a children's holiday, but I think once you have kids that's all it's about. And I can't believe how much work it is! Even if you do those commercial paper Disney character valentines, you still have to write all 30 names of every kid and teacher in the class and then multiply that by the number of children you have. And then, of course, you have to make cupcakes for the class parties and then you have to deal with your kids bouncing off the walls after eating the cupcakes and lollipops from said party. Anyway, the reason for this post was something pretty funny that I found in W's Valentine mailbox after it was all over and we were looking through his valentines. Keep in mind that this boy started a "Get Rid Of Slimy girlS" (otherwise known as G.R.O.S.S.) club at school, a la Calvin and Hobbes, his heroes. When asked which girls are slimy, he responded, "Oh, you know, the ones who like Hannah Montana and Fairies." Well, sure enough, in his valentine's box there was a Hannah Monatana valentine. But I noticed something strange about Hannah's face. W had drawn glasses and a beard and mustache on her. It was such a classic boy thing to do, I had to laugh. I mean, do people really still draw eyeglasses and mustaches? I guess so...

Big Dollies

Recently I volunteered to help with a school fund raiser and ended up in charge of the lunch. We are having a chili cook-off and I thought it would be great if the prizes were aprons. So last week I wrote out a nice letter and dropped it off at this lovely store, http://www.vermontapron.com The owner, a very nice lady, and I chatted for a bit and she agreed to donate an apron to my cause (she actually ended up giving us three which was sooo kind!). I had little M with me and she was thrilled to see all the pretty, flowery, lacy items all around the store. But I didn't notice her eyes getting really big at the sight of the life-size mannequin sitting on the store checkout table. She tugged on my arm and whispered, "Mommy, are those girls dead?" Poor thing! We explained they weren't dead, just plastic, "like big dollies." Ok, she was fine with that idea. The store owner said it happens all the time. Once, she was changing the clothing on the mannequins in the display window and she took one of the arms off only to hear a little boy screaming outside on the sidewalk.

I Would Be A Dragon...

This is just one of those silly little games you play in the car while driving (which we do here A LOT). But it made me laugh really hard so I thought I'd post it as a memory for later.

Mom (trying to get kids to stop screaming at and kicking each other from across the van): Kids! KIDS! If you could be any kind of animal, what kind would you be?

W: A bird. So I could fly around and be cute and eat bugs. Actually, I'd be a hummingbird who sips nectar and I'd be really fast.

A: I'd be a baby bunny, so cute and soft and fuzzy and cozy.

W: Yeah, but then you'd get eaten by a fox.

A: No I wouldn't! Foxes don't eat bunnies, do they mommy?

Mom: Sorry, honey, actually foxes do eat bunnies. (A starts to get tears in his eyes) But, but! Wait! Baby bunnies are also really fast and good at hiding. Okay?

W: Yeah, and rabbits have sharp teeth so you could chew the fox's leg off.

Mom: Ooookay, what about M? What kind of animal would she be?

M (looking at W for approval): I'd be a bird, too.

W: Yeah, we could be birds together. M, would you be a pink bird?

M: Yes. A pink bird with sparkly feathers. (of course)

W: Actually, I'd be an Ever Bird, half woodpecker and half hummingbird and all the colors of the rainbow.

A: What about you, Mommy? What kind of animal would you be?

Mom (having never actually thought of this before): Hmm, that's a good question, A. I'm not really sure. Maybe a bird? Something that could fly...

W: You could be a cicada, they fly. Or a grasshopper.

Mom: No, no bugs. But I'd want to live somewhere warm, like Hawaii....

A: Mommy, you need to be a mommy fox so you could protect all the little baby bunnies and birdies.

Mom: That's true, I would need to protect you. I know! I'd be a dragon. That way I could fly, I could sleep all I want, I could protect you with my claws and fire breathing and I'd be warm all the time.

W: Yeah, and you'd have lots of treasure so you can buy us anything we want.

Mom: Um, hmm. Wait, we're forgetting Daddy. What kind of animal would he be?

W: A bear.

A: Yeah, a big fat bear with a big belly!

W: Who toots all the time!

All: Hysterical giggling

So Unfair!

Today there is a Winter Storm Warning (this is how they say it on the news, capitalized and boldface) that stretches from the tip of Maine to the Ohio River Valley. Ice storms and feet of snow await. Over 500 schools in the Boston area are closed today. Every school in Windsor County is closed today except...ours! W was fit to be tied as I bundled him out the door for the bus. In fact, as we were waiting at the bus stop, a nice lady even stopped her car to inform me that "school is closed." "Yes," I replied, "only, not ours." This made W even madder. Waving at his sad/mad little face in the window I did kind of feel bad for him. But when I walked in the house I did a little dance of joy because I don't have to go anywhere today. So you know what that means: Snow Day! We'll have some fun at home and let the bus do the driving. And all this snow means great snowmobiling on Saturday. So bring on the Winter Storm, we'll do our best to enjoy it!

A Little Late But...

Yoda Soda, Tie Fighters and Find the Jedi game

Dark Side Cupcakes with Vader and Rebel Cupcakes with Lego Luke

Cool masks: R2, Grievous, Obi Wan and Padme

Making Padawan Pizza

Jedi Lightsaber Training

I know it's a little late but these are some pictures from A's birthday party in November. Poor middle child, always neglected, right?

The New Word Around Here--"Bling Bling"

Yeah, I know I haven't been posting much these last three weeks. Want to know why? This is why:Thanks, Mom and Dad, for coming to visit this Christmas, staying three weeks, organizing my kitchen, spoiling my kids, fixing the basement and teaching us how to Pimp Rabbids. Bling Bling to you too.